Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
