You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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