I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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