hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
