you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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