Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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