sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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