my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
