Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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