Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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