Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
