That's intense
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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