I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
