He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
