i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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