Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
