oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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