It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
