speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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