it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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