You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
