When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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