Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
