I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
