shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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