I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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