Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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