my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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