you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
