So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
