there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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