your thong is hanging out like whoa
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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