Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
