The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
they need to just BURY HIM!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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