I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
