Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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