So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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