Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
