Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
