when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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