Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
