Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
