Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
