I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
