She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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