The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
