Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
