I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
