Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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