The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
