was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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