I only kidnapped one of them. chill
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
