it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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