He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
