Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
