arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
